C Tann-Starr's Outside Blog

In case you haven't done the Wiki, now may be a very good time for me to introduce you to the various levels of Minions. Although there are more, I am going to quote my favorite three British points of order using the Queen's English. Are you ready? I Quote: Minion is a term for favorites or protégés, especially those of a monarch or prince at a royal court. Unlike a henchman or lackey, although of subordinate rank to his patron, a minion is likely to be of noble birth or to be raised to the nobility, and is more of a companion and confidant to him than a servant or bodyguard. Minion may refer to a fictional role: see henchman. Minion may refer to a constraint solver: see Minion (solver). End Quote. BTW, Minion may refer to a couple of other things so when I use the term as a term of endearment, it turns out it can quite nicely cover my little people when they are being both good and naughty (LOL).

I gotta tell ya' every so often my little minions live up to their collective nick name in every facet of every detail one may define a little minion to be. Most of the time they are really quite sweet in their self-directed ways, but every so often, once in a while, the gremlin in them comes out and we adults suffer a brain fart because my boys can render you quite speechless in the blink of an eye or in a heartbeat... Take Stephen's latest Sunday escapades... (I must pause at this point in my narrative to bring to your attention the significant fact that there is an "s" at the end of escapades.) He has managed to do quite a bit of mischief today, but we were saved from a few of the minion blur's terrible-two post toddler campaign by (a) the grace of God, (b) our collective stupidity and (c) serendipity.

My confession regarding of our collective stupidity is a significant statement, and I shall tell you why:

It is a well establish fact known to my relatives (on-line, and brick and mortar friends) that in the realm of Good and Naughty, Sir Stephen the Blur Minion is the Prince of Audacity. Afflicted with PDD-NOS, his terrible twos have been enhanced with the spice of (a) self-direction, (b) a neurological disorder that affects the functioning of the brain and (c) the "they think I'm cute, let's see what I can get away with today," behavior virus. BTW, I know it's a potent virus because he gets away with quite a lot, especially if there is a woman involved. Being aware of all of the PDD-NOS clinical clues that were and continue to be a cause of concern for us, you would think that we, the adults of the home, would have learned by now that Stephen the Blur Minion is not to be trusted when it comes to appliances or any form of electronics.

May I take a moment to refresh your recollection of the recently failed scientific experiments of my 2.7 year old? If I were pretending to be one of my brilliant therapist friends I would pause to explain, "He appears to be compensating for his limited comprehension and vocabulary by attempting to expand his communicative gestures," which would be a true statement. However, he is quite a spontaneous little fellow who has a gift for leaving a lasting first impression on the equipment, electronics and appliances in my apartment. Something deep in my mommy souls thinks there is more to it than that...

After all, who could forget: (a) sinking both our cell phones in the toilet, (b) sinking four expensive scientific notation calculators in the toilet, (c) shredding money, inclusive of coins (which I must admit I was a bit impressed with because I didn't know my shredder could do that - LOL), (d) flushing my Nikon's SD card down the toilet (with a thousand photographs embedded on the drive, BTW - sigh), (e) the assortment of disappearing remote controls and (f) feeding peanut butter and jelly to the DVD player...

I could go through the entire alphabet listing minion blur events, but it appears that somehow we, the adults did manage to forget. It was such a lovely, quiet Sunday and he could be so cute and cuddly when he wants to that when he innocently pointed to my cell phone and chirped, "that one?" How could I resist? He's my baby. It was the smile that did me in, the twinkle in those gleaming, gorgeous, chocolate brown eyes. I'm his favorite girl. He's my guy pie. How could I, his Mom, resist the wiles of such a handsome little man asking so nicely in such a calm, charming, innocent little voice?

Stupid, stupid, stupid mommy! What was I thinking? (NOT!)

He calmly climbed off my lap, flipped it open and said, "hello," and I was thrilled. The spontaneous appropriate use of a cell phone. My little pookie was engaged in imaginary play, chatting on my red cell phone (vocalization without verbalization). Little did I realize he soon tired of the game and promptly speed dialed someone so he could babble with a live voice. Then, in true minion style, he refused to hang up, resulting in them not being able to use their home phone for 32 minutes. I am in Twitter. He's playing nicely. I am oblivious to the new development (LOL).

He then wanders into the kitchen, stands on his little red chair (which he takes everywhere so he can see what he's messing with on the shelves) and promptly drops my phone into the toaster because Daddy's phone is next to it on the re-charge. Oooo... new toy! Silver! Shiny! He tries to make off with the new phone but it is tethered to the outlet. Frustrated, he drops it into the other slot of the toaster. I am oblivious to this new development. He's playing nicely. It's quiet. I am in ActiveRain and Twitter (LOL).

Hmm... the toaster has a lever... so he pushes it down and walks away because the bell has rung. Mommy ordered pizza through her on-line account. Cheesy bread is a foodie paradise item for the boys. They will pick a spot, chill and not move when they see Domino's is in the house. Stephen climbs in the silver chair to try and unlock the front door. Hubby comes out of the shower and starts putting his uniform on. Hmm... we can't find his BJ card. Strange. It was in his wallet... Stephen has been in his jacket and gone pick pocketing again. Bummer. Hope he didn't chuck it out the window. He likes slipping things onto the ledge to feed the pigeons. Hmm... we can't find his cell phone. No problem, "I'll call yours from mine," I say, except we can't find my cell phone either. Damn... Mike is late for work and needs his cell phone. We try the fax. The handset is disconnected from the cradle. WTF? The cordless phone is not in the base either. We can't find the house phones. STEPHEN STOLE ALL THE FRIGGIN' PHONES!!!

OMG - My last resource is Skype! I call my phone and it immediately goes to voice mail because my boy never hung up from the speed dial. I call the house phone and get a busy signal. It's on open-mike and we can't figure out where his hiding place is. I call my husband's phone. It starts ringing and there is this strange grinding noise coming from my kitchen. I start yelling for my two year old to come out while I head in and discover Mike's phone vibrating and ringing in the toaster, which would have been toasting it except we unplugged it to use the Inferred Cooker and forgot to plug the toaster back in (Thank you, God!!!). New rule: When you have minions, unplug everything in the kitchen.

While we are running around like chickens with our head cut off (before I remember the Skype option), little dude is seated on the futon eating all the pizza watching us like we are his favorite cartoon on television. BTW, I'm still looking for the other phones... Seriously! It's been hours since I tweeted this. Little Dude sure knows how to hide things. So now you know what lunch time is like in my home on a lazy Sunday afternoon. (LMAO)

I gotta plan a holiday dinner. If you are thinking of ever inviting the little minions over, go check out this Autism resource for "Holiday Dinners GFCF Style" for some ideas if you feel PB&J is too thin for the menu (LOL). BTW, @autismfamily writes for BellaOnline.com. Go follow the tweets of my tweet peep Bonnie Sayers, the BellaOnline's Autism Spectrum Disorders Editor if you want to learn more about what Moms with special kids go through. We could use all the help we can get. :-)