C Tann-Starr's Outside Blog

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Diary of a Google Whore: I really do enjoy the insanity of my life. Seriously...

Diary of a Google Whore: I really do enjoy the insanity of my life. Seriously...

 

My kids and hubby expect me to swim. No "ifs, ands, or buts" about it. They are tired of me only getting my feet wet and/or stating "you go" so I can have the FL house to myself for a couple of kid-less hours, reveling in the quiet of a "no men mucking about to distract me" zone. In case you didn't know I am out-numbered three to one which makes being a quirky girl on PMS with a b*tch switch very interesting for them at times. ;-)

Carolyn Tann Starr

Sometimes, I have to remind people that I'm black and not interested in "getting a tan" since mine is permanent and doesn't peel and fade (LOL). I do enjoy playing outdoors and being in the sunshine but not wallowing in it to bake my skin as a goal. Sometimes, if my gorgeous guy pies do talk me into going beach-side, I get tackled and tossed in just to prove the point that I wont drown in the river if I actually go into the ocean further than my knees.

I rarely go in further than my knees because I hate sand in my Victoria's Secrets (yes, I know, bad kitty for not wanting to deal with that wee issue). I do not swim and am notorious for being sooo addicted to social media that I usually bring my laptop (with air card in tow) to the ocean to work, uploading what everyone else is doing when I am not entertaining myself by pretending to watch our stuff.

Note to reader: My kids will bury your ipod in the sand if you don't pay attention to them, which is why I can be sitting next to our stuff but not watching any of it while trying to keep up with them (LOL). ;-)

Carolyn Tann Starr

I am not going to repent about the fact that I usually treat a trip to the beach as if it is my fave outdoor office. It is a fave place to stroll or jog and I love writing with a lovely view - who wouldn't? - so I like to pick nice comfy places to create original content in. Some traditionalists have taken a dim view of that. I think the issue revolves around the myth of being a social media diva married to her electronics having the unmitigated gall to chance them being ruined by the elements or the shorties at play (said my intelligent, therapist friends who do not blog but read me religiously so I can be analyzed at breakfast, brunch, lunch, snack and dinner time - LOL).

I may have to concede them half a point... They have multiple degrees and make sound arguments. It is kind of stupid to play with your electronics at the surf's edge but it's mad friggin' fun posting everything live and answering people in the feed (LOL). ;-)

One problem with being "married to my laptop" while married to my hubby and my job is the fact that the virtual insanity that is my social media life periodically complicates and/or competes with the insane realty of my brick and mortar living: running two households with learning disabled kids, a quirky family, possessive friends and four businesses. Writing, music, art and photography keeps me really busy. The Paralegal thing is insane. I've been a referral queen passing along the real estate stuff because I have to finish my book and rarely tell people which state I'm in while I am traveling back and forth between NY and FL working, working, working...

Carolyn Tann Starr

 

I really do enjoy the insanity of my life (translated: insane to run four fun businesses in a recession with a dysfunctional family and meddling friends) - however, sometimes the stress levels of the different competing needs vying for my attention can become emotionally exhausting and down right destructive if not handled with an adequate outlet to let off steam (which is why I like blog post therapy, being creative and working out).

I love Tai Chi and shooting off my firearms (I can hit a playing card with a 9MM at 30 feet - LOL). I also love cooking and playing with swords but I packed the swords away during the winter and haven't touched them since December. I love going on road trips and laying in other people's grass to stare at their trees, flowers and shrubs while warming myself in the sun. I like walking in the rain and jogging in the snow. It's a living in a NYC apartment with no backyard thing that makes me love the outdoors, change of seasons and wild weather.

Strange is somewhere between obsessing over writing my book, the June gallery show and me completing my next album I turned into a homebody couch potato who spends more time on lock down writing than being out and about.

Are you ready for the confession of a junk food junkie?

Junk food has a lot to do with my not being out and about as usual. Ordering a pizza is easy when you're working in your home office and don't want to stop to cook. Getting neighbors who love you to run your errands, shop your groceries and offer you dinner because you're working sooooo hard at writing, music and art can become an enabling slippery slope for the junk food junkie if he or she is not careful.

I was not careful...

 

Yup. This is me confessing to being a happy chubby junk food junkie lounging about on a comfy futon or my leather couch writing my day away while people constantly fed me and I stopped cooking. Going to the martial arts gym once a week is not the same as working out every other day, so sitting on my ass having a dinner menu texted to me on a daily basis and always saying yes is my fault. You need to think capital "S" when I say "backsliding workout slacker" (B.W.S.) and "deliriously happy idiot" (D.H.I.) not watching a single empty calorie. Tasty food is tasty food... I am a D.H.I. if it has sugar. Case closed. Wave a Duncan Donut and bring me the right pint of Hagen Daz and I can be brought, bribed and influenced (LOL).

Being a B.W.S. D.H.I. takes time. If the foodylicious stakes are high enough it is sort of like honing an D.H.I. anti-skill when the incentive is a gorgeous free meal delivered right to your door from the fabulous chef directly across the hall or any Zagat rated restaurant in your zone. I am not a hypocrite. I am still accepting every single meal because they're that good (and I live for Zagat rated yummies - LOL). However, I do realize that this has got to stop.

I need an intervention...

I really do need help because hubby wants me in a bikini and that is going to take a while... It means hard work and dedication so he can happily oogle his fave pair of boobs on the beach of his choice while surreptitiously checking out the rest of the half naked chicks baking under the sun.

Mommies take note: if daddy is oogling it means he's revving up his libido for you later on so don't be a player hater. Look but don't touch can be mad fun if you don't get prissy about it, but I digress... ;-)

My sister-in-law Mona is a coach and does Curves. My girlfriend Lisa is a personal trainer and does Spin classes. My Russian Jewish gal pals with their multiple degrees are still doing the NY Sports Club. I love them but I do not want someone who personally knows me bossing me around. I want to make a new friend to play a dominant role in getting me to submit to better nutrition and athletic excursions.

Translation: someone with enough emotional and physical distance between us that I wont get b*tched slapped when I'm being crabby, whiny and difficult wasting their professional time (LOL).

What do I do when the girls are at the gym? In FL I chase my kids and hubby, writing when I can. In NY I sit on my ass and write, blog, drink, blog, go to the bathroom, write, blog, snack, blog, eat, blog, Skype, blog, talk on my cell, blog, nap, blog, compose music, blog, create art, blog, answer e-mail, blog, eat, blog, sleep, blog, shit-shower-shave, blog - I'M A FREAKIN' BLOG POTATO IN NY (when did that happen?) How the hell did I miss that little detail?

Yada-yada-yada-blah-blah-blah: The list of bad habits to grow my fat ass goes on and on with me...all my fault. I sucked down every empty calorie.

Yup. I've got a ghetto onion with a babe-Budha-belly to match.

No six pack here. Bummer... I have pictures of me back in the day with a nice pack and rack. When you have kids you sometimes call it baby fat and keep eating for two anyway, sometimes right up until the grandkids are born (LOL). Noah is 9 and Stephen is 5 so I need to get back to working the rest of this off so people can stop asking if we're preggers again. Read. My. Lips. The baby shop is closed. Two emergency c-sections were enough, thank you. ;-)

Why am I whining? I went to 196 pounds while preggo. It took a long time to get to 150. Made it to 140. Hung out there for a few years but now I gained 15 pounds since my last weight drop. I know because I got on the scale while across the hall (LOL). Hubby wants me to loose 30 pounds. Hmm...

It's Mikey asking me to do something that's actually possible if I behave myself so I gotta try.

The next round of periodic blog disappearances (besides working on projects) is me making an attempt to get off my bloggers' butt and start working out like I used to. I haven't done a decent turtle run in ages and I am supposed to be doing a 7K run with Melodious when I get to TX in June (OMG - she's gonna kill me if I screw that up - stay tuned for more training drama - LOL).

I decided since I have strange office hours that I want an on-line personal trainer. Being an unrepentant Google Whore I googled everything I wanted to know and quickly discovered how clueless I was because there are well over 5 million entries in that category. Eyes crossing, I eventually hopped into Jango and Twitter to flip music and chat while I started my new recreational reading assignment from hell, wondering what the best way to pull this off was going to be with each site I visited. Shedding 30 pounds and building muscle tone with millions of opinions on how to do it brought a lot of tired sighs from my lips because I was being bored to death by guru after friggin' guru.

If you read my blog then you know how easily amused I am so when I tell you I was bored that says something significant about some of those workout websites (LOL). I'm thinking, crap, I'm gonna have to go back and join the gym again and I don't have a lot of time to waste between my assignments. Circling the streets looking for parking in NYC can sometimes take longer than your actual gym workout. I was getting tired of having to run back out and feed the meter if I wanted to stay longer so decided I wanted work out at home.

Riiiiiiiight...

So here I am sitting on the couch acting like a whiny kid who gave up her shiny toy (NY Sports Club) only to be bored and uninspired with the unused weights sitting in my closet. I love my The Firm DVDs but I'm not doing the workouts like I should. I only joined the gym because my gal pals were there. They got busy with work and stopped going so I eventually got lazy. They went back but by then I had given up my membership, replacing the slot time with the studio and gallery.

I'm thinking if there are millions of search engine hits for on-line coaches then I can do this if I have a focal point of interaction, a personal trainer holding me accountable to working the routines and checking in.

The irony was one of my tweet peeps said something funny in the live stream so I starting chatting with her only to discover after clicking her profile link that she was a personal trainer in Vancouver with over 180 YouTubes.

Social media trumped my search engine fetish. Here I am talking about blogging with someone who works out every week. Yay! She's really cool about sharing thoughts regarding her work out day. THEY ARE REAL THOUGHTS ABOUT TRIAL AND ERROR and personal eating preferences not like the guru claptrap burning holes in the three brain cells I had left after making my virtual eyes bleed from suffering through a bunch of boring ass websites (LOL). I found some good ones too but I'm saving them for another blog post. ;-)

I am a chubby person. I want results damn it, not a friggin' virtual date of endless "buy my miracle product," "don't listen to the other guy," "I am the best" advertising... What the hell are some of you people thinking? Geez... We can not all claim to be number one so quit it. That irks people like me. It really does...

I'm 46. I'm not trying to be a Twiggy clone. I am a musician and artist, a mommy not a model. I just want to be healthy, drop a pants size and be me (and make my three beach bums happy - LOL).

I am happy that I found someone who lives what she speaks and I want to introduce you guys to my tweet peep Jackie who is going to help me on my virtual quest of shedding a few pounds. I like her. She talks like a regular person, not a friggin' guru and she shares how she really feels about stuff (and rants once in a while on-line too - LOL).

It's moments like these when I really enjoy social media. I like being periodically entertained when I learn something new. ;-)

I just want an honest answer to my simple questions and am happy to accept an "I don't know" response as well. I like that she can say, "Grapefruits are so yummy I don't know why I don't eat them more often. Mid-day snack: 2 soft boiled eggs w/sea-salt & black pepper and a grapefruit. Wow, awesome." instead of shoving a bunch of charts, graphs and stats at me and demand I buy a food scale to measure how many ounces is my steak. (Yeah, brought one while I was preggo with Noah and still sometimes use it. We all know I'm anal - moving on - LOL)

After keeping my Canadian tweet peep up past her bedtime yesterday (yes, that was mad fun and a wee bit rude of me - what else is new - sigh), I decided to keep hanging out on http://www.girlwithnoname.com to see if I could do something new with my 46 year old body this summer.

I've never had an on-line fitness coach before and being a curious kinda gal I am still putting quite a bit of research into it. My office hours are really strange (friends in other countries) so it's nice when social media lets you know when someone is live and available.  As soon as I log in I'm working, so I enjoy chatting with people at odd hours. (People occasionally leave me voice messages at 3AM if I fall asleep with my laptop on and they think I'm still live in Facebook - LOL).

You never know where clicking a link will take you. I'm glad she made me curious enough to click her profile link.

You should click them and go have a chat if your personalities mesh. If not, leave people to do their thing on-line while you go off and do yours. That's why I left some of those other sites alone. They were pretty and useless at the same time. Sometimes simple is best if you're not trying to be complicated. It was really nice being able to hang out and get advice after midnight while fooling around in Twitter, Jango, Facebook and e-mail. I'm glad that I found something and someone to inspire me dusting off my running shoes again.

My neighbors are in on my dietary changes. I told them about her while I gave away my cookies, pastas, potatoes and a few other stuff (LOL). After watching over 80 YouTubes I subscribed to Jackie's YouTube channel because it reminded me of talking with my girlfriends before and after a gym workout: http://www.youtube.com/user/gwnngwnn

Jackie is my tweet peep @girlwithnoname who is inspiring me to eat right and go workout so I can make hubby happy about buying a bikini. I never buy swimsuits. He does. Mikey has been doing this for years and I have been a bad blogging mommy because I keep getting rid of them.

Mother's Day resolution: I am not going to get rid of them this year.

What a scary thought... ;-)

Poor Jackie is going to have her virtual hands full with me because I really am a junk food junkie about to break bad but really tasty habits. It is going to be very hard. I like pasta and pizza (LOL).

Oh crap. I need to go buy a house scale. I don't have one because I used to be this happy chubby chick who didn't care how much she weighed. Now every time I open my mouth to eat I have to think bikini after saying grace (who knew? - LOL).

Mr Autism and Mr PDD-NOS are going to be happy about rolling me in the sand. ;-)

 

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Comment balloon 10 commentsC Tann-Starr • May 08 2011 10:23PM

Comments

Pretty long post and not sure if it was meant for my eyes as much as other ladies in the same boat as you are here. But it was a funny read on some of your blurts. Have a great evening.

Posted by Stanley Stepak, Realtor - Avon Lake, Avon, Bay Village, Westlake, (Howard Hanna - Avon Lake, OH) over 7 years ago

Stan, the girls and I are about to do a new thing. The blog bookies are taking virtual bets for and againt the Fat Ass Female Association. I am soooo getting off my couch and quitting F.A.F.A. (LOL). ;-)

Posted by C Tann-Starr (Tann Starr & Associates, Inc.) over 7 years ago

I can't believe I read the whole thing!  Very entertaining to say the least.  I hope you can succeed in your quest to shed some pounds or at least tone up a little.  Believe it or not, those lame stair stepping machines are an easy way to work out, and you can still eat and drink at the same time. lol

Posted by Georgie Hunter R(S) 58089, Maui Real Estate sales and lifestyle info (Hawai'i Life Real Estate Brokers) over 7 years ago

Hey C Tann, This was the night to go to bed early but because of your post, it ain't gonna happen. Yup...read every word and feel like I am holding the phone and you are talking.

Like the idea of a virtual trainer. You will do well and maybe it is time to join you on this venture. Is there room for one more FA?

Thanks for the grand update. Keep on keeping on!

 

Posted by Margaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) over 7 years ago

Hey Caroline - I am a huge FIRM fan - bought them back in the 80s at $50 a pop! I have a ton of them in VHS.  LOL

I am also on a toot to lose a good 30 lbs.  I am a workout-at-home person and have discovered Beachbody 's (of P90X fame) TurboFire (Chalene Johnson)

Beachbody Programs usually consist of a bunch of DVDs (TurboFire has 10, I think) and a schedule and it is awesome.  I also did Chalene's "Chalean Extreme" program which is mostly weight training.  TurboFire is a heavy duty cardio program that kicks butt big time.  Check it out - no, I don't get a kickback. LOL  And don't worry about the high intensity stuff - I do the modified version and sweat plenty while watching out for my knees.  LOL  Oh - and the music is great.

http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/turbofire.do?gclid=CLLXsOTx2agCFQNx5Qodz0X8fA&code=SEMB_GOOGLE_TF&extcmp=90fbf68a9754b7a&ef_id=TFsJ9gqoEEMAAE9MPQsAAEQK:20110509030528:s

In any event - enjoy the journey. We can be 30 lb loser twins . . . ;-)

Posted by Sandy Fenton, ABR, ASP, CDPE, GRI -Westchester NY - Condos to Luxury Homes (Keller Williams NY Realty * Licensed Associate Broker) over 7 years ago

I'm sorry... I have not checked in with you for awhile.  You are amazing-- and are so open and no-holds-barred.... well, amazing.  I too am 46... and am fighting the ... I'm over 4o and work, and write, and paint, and cook alot... weight gain.  Keep me posted and looking forward to wearing that bikini this summer with ya!  cheers,  Kathy

Posted by Kathy Schowe, La Quinta, California 760-333-8886 (California Lifestyle Realty) over 7 years ago

How in the world can you type this much??? You are too funny! I'm not much of a typist so that's why my posts are so short. I can paint much better than blog.

Posted by Lizette Fitzpatrick, Lizette Realty, Lexington KY MLS - Kentucky Homes (Lizette Realty - Richmond KY) over 7 years ago

I can't believe I READ the whole thing!...You are an amazing writer.  Your stream of consciousness style keeps me sucked in so that I must continue consuming your posts till the end.  And then I want more.  Keep 'em coming C Tann.

Posted by Kirsten Lindquist, Realtor - Sonoma Wine Country (Pacific Union International) over 7 years ago

LOL @ Georgina. I'm going to be running up and down six stories today. I'm using the hall as my stair master and as soon as I get my laundry going I'm going out to run through my neighborhood for a half hour taking pictures. ;-)

Morning Margaret, sleep well? ;-)  I was up until 3AM. Got invited to do a guest blog (very excited - LOL).

Sandy, that was very cool. Got any more links or suggestions keep 'em coming, okay? I've never tried that. It looks like fun. :-)

Kathy, bikinis terrify me. I keep thinking I'm not ready to trust the fate of my privates to a friggin' string (LOL). Just hopped out of the shower. I woke up at 10 today because I was working into the wee hours of the morning on my book so now I have to get my breakfast and start day one of the weight loss project. Will be spoofing on my progress later. ;-)

Posted by C Tann-Starr (Tann Starr & Associates, Inc.) over 7 years ago

Poppy Dinsey: WIWT - The Lust List - IPL Wars

It's part of my required reading for things I need to do to get bikini ready (LOL). I have never been waxed a day in my life. OMG - what did I miss??? You're going to have to hang out with me over there as well if you're going to keep up with the continuing saga.

To laser or not laser... Hmm... I am soooo clueless but really interested in her product reviews. ;-)

Posted by C Tann-Starr (Tann Starr & Associates, Inc.) over 7 years ago

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