C Tann-Starr's Outside Blog


My Dear, Sweet Friends (Sitting Shiva)

Jutta Starr

My lovely and dear, dear friends: THANK YOU ONE AND ALL. I've never lost a parent before and when my hubby's Mom passed away yesterday I was undone. It feels different from any other death and grief I have ever experienced... Please keep us in your prayers. We're going to need all the help we can get. We're looking for emotional outlets right now.

Got a Wiki quote for you: "In Judaism, shiva (or shiv'ah, Hebrew: שבעה ; "seven") is the week-long period of grief and mourning for the seven first-degree relatives: father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, and spouse. (Grandparents and grandchildren are not included). As most regular activity is interrupted, the process of following the shiva ritual is referred to as "sitting shiva." Shiva is a part of the customs for bereavement in Judaism."

This is what we will be doing. I just don't know if in NY or FL yet. Hubby has to decide... I've passed on two listings and am shifting a contract signing. I've a closing on Friday and a walk through today. I'm on a mission to get the rest of my buyer's brokerage agreements completed because the family is date squabbling again. What else is new, eh? (LOL) Geez... I guess grief brings out the best and worst in us at the same time.

Time for some blog post therapy:

I am very angry. I'm am desperately trying to keep my b*tch switch under control because we are all grieving. It is hard to do what must be done when the loss is so profound. It is hard to come to terms with the fact that I will not be having another conversation. She e-mailed every single month and never missed making contact... She called constantly to say hello. She appreciated every single photograph and story regarding her darling little minions. This sudden silence brings with it an unexpected void and the grief of not knowing her last thought is killing me. We had something we each wanted to say and the theft of that conversation is an emotional obsession that leaves me undone. I can not breathe well. My throat is tight and the tears have me typing blind at my keyboard. Everything has changed. I am now afraid. I don't know where to go with my emotions... I have never felt this way before... I am in a rage. Death has robbed me of a beautiful relationship...

My Mom-In-Law was well loved and it is going to be hard to deal with life without her influence on the family. In case you haven't noticed, I can be pretty plain spoken, so I have some regrets in that regard and I am dealing with my personal anger one issue at a time. I must confess I am not dealing with it well. I hope you will forgive me for the long post. I don't know how to deal with my emotions right now because I am tormented with the fact that my kids and hubby were robbed as well and his Mom was someone we all needed in our lives. We are all taking this very hard but I am trying to cope, so I sit here having blog therapy writing the first thoughts that come along wondering if Wordy C will show up an make me laugh at some point  since the cartoons in my head are somber and in mourning. I've lived a pretty fascinating life, my life is not over but something precious has ended. Relationships are precious and fragile and you don't know how the loss of someone in your life will affect you until you suffer that loss.

I would rather focus on the good stuff. I want to embrace the good memories. I want to hold on to every kindness she has ever shown. I am going to do what I do best and work this out one thought at a time while I talk with you and wonder where to go to pick up the pieces of my shattered emotions. It's going to take a while because we are really hurting over here and one does not know what one has lost until it is gone. She is gone and I am undone... My heart is crying... I have to go...

I will be writing a bye to mom post later. Sorting through the family pictures and arranging new music for a photo-montage should keep me busy for a while. Blog therapy with my family and friends is nice. I do feel a little bit better. When I drop my kids at school I am going for a jog. I could use a good laugh to kill the waterworks so I may head to Brooklyn to film where we used to hang out by the water. Me and the wee ones did have a lot of fun visiting up and down the shoreline and spoofing at her home in FL. I'll collect some shots and show you. I just wish we had more time... I ran out of time on Friday the 13th. 

Everything changed on Friday the 13th. I will never forget that day as long as I live. It was a bad day for me in more ways than one... I want to have good days. I keep thinking that though. I want my life back. Can't have the old one. That's done. I want a new one. One that doesn't feel the way I feel today. Virtual shiva is kinda nice... I've got just the thought to share.  You're about to learn something new about us later on today when I share some of my fondest thoughts and silly memories of being a part of my Mom-In-Law's life.

I will be sitting shiva at Club Chaos. I need my virtual family just as much as my brick and mortar. You are all a very special part of my life and I really do love my bay-bays so I publicly apologize to everyone that I have ever hurt, harmed or inadvertently disregarded and humbly ask that you please forgive me. I have to start over because everything has changed and I do not want to miss any more important moments with the people that I care about if I can help it.

My relationships are a very important part of my life. I do not want to squander them... If you have something to say to the people you love you should say it and not hesitate. Sometimes, when the moment is lost, it is lost forever.

Thank you for all of the e-mail, phone calls, tweets, texts, Skypes, DMs, Facebook comments and visits.







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Comment balloon 49 commentsC Tann-Starr • March 26 2009 07:01AM


Carolyn, I'm so sorry for all the hurt you are feeling right now and will be thinking of you and your family as you are sitting shiva.

Posted by Ann Allen Hoover, CDPE SRES ASP e-PRO Realtor - Homes for Sale - AL (RE/MAX Advantage South) over 11 years ago

Carolyn, We went through this one year ago when my mother-in-law passed away and we certainly did not expect it. Three days before she died, my husband and I were very fortunate to have had a nice long visit with her and she hugged us both extra hard. After she passed, we realized that she probably knew something was seriously wrong.Nothing can prepare you for what follows but I can tell you it does get easier. Don't hold back, cry when you need to and try to keep the peace with the family members. May she rest peacefully.

Posted by Barb Szabo, CRS, E-pro Realtor, Cleveland Ohio Homes (RE/MAX Trinity Brecksville Ohio) over 11 years ago


I am so sorry for your loss ... while death can be cruel and sudden ... it is a natural process and not one of us will cheat it.

I know that your sorrow and frustrations are great, and the "what-ifs" and "what should I have done" (the guilt phase) will take over your thoughts soon.

Grieve, cry, miss, but most of all remember. You will always keep a part of her within you.

Posted by Richard Weisser, Richard Weisser Retired Real Estate Professional (Richard Weisser Realty) over 11 years ago

I am intimately familiar with Shiva, and the grief that comes (and goes) with it... surrounding yourself with loved ones and family... and the telling of all the stories that make/made Jutta dear to you.

Relive all of those moments, and know... that I'm sending (for your virtual shiva) a beautiful food tray adorned with all of your favourite foods (that's what we Jews do... we feed everybody)...

If we're lucky, as we share paths with people through life, those who are important to use will leave footprints in our hearts.  It sounds as though you were one of the lucky ones.  Embrace that.

My sincerest condolences on your loss.  May she be forever written in the book of life.

Posted by Alan May, There's no place like home. (Jameson Sotheby's International Realty) over 11 years ago

I am so sorry for your loss of a good friend who just happens to be your mother-in-law. I pray for you and your family in your time of grief. Loss is that is never easy and I wish I had the words to take the pain away, but there are none.

Just remember the time you had with her and be grateful that she gave you joy while she was here and gave you a great husband who probably needs you right now in his time of loss,


Posted by Todd Clark, Principle Broker Oregon (eXp Realty LLC) over 11 years ago

There are no words I can say to make you feel better.  However, if there were I would use them.  Please call if you need anything.

Posted by Melody Botting, You Deserve The Best (Broker Associate PenFed Realty) over 11 years ago

I am so sorry Sister C.  It is one of the hardest things to go through.  Between my husband and I we only have one parent left.  Losing them is like losing a part of yourself but they will always be there in your heart and mind and will make you smile at the most unexpected times.  Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.  Love to my other family and keep up the blog therapy.  Sitting is not something you do well you know:-)

Posted by Paddy (Patricia) Pizappi, Real Estate Associate Broker Hudson Valley NY (Better Homes and Gardens Rand Realty) over 11 years ago

Carolyn - Prayers will be said. I am sorry for your family's loss. Death is never a welcome visitor. I empathize as I lost my Brother last year. Thank goodness for family.

Posted by Claude Cross, Charlotte NC Homes For Sale (Homes By Cross, Inc. ) over 11 years ago


I know there is nothing we can say to make this better but we are all thinking about you and your family.  Therefor less is more in this case. Since this is a virtual shiva I will just leave you with the customary saying when leaving a Jewish house of mourning.

May you and your family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Posted by Josef Katz, {Marketing Maestro} (Digital and Direct Response Marketing) over 11 years ago

Hello lovelies. Thank you for your kind words and prayers, they are very much appreciated. :-)

Ann, I am thinking in overdrive today... I may skype you just so I can try out your new headset. :-)

Barb, Melodious was also giving me great advice to keep the peace with the relatives. I will do the best I can. I'm am not myself at all today. Getting hit by a truck while taking Stephen to school didn't help either. Me, the car and the Blur Minion are fine. We drove across the sidewalk to avoid major damage (LOL). I had a good cry with Mel over it later this morning, among other things. It appears we were in the driver's blind spot on his right side. I think I scared him. Went off really bad in public because my kid was in the car. The thought of something happening to the little minion instantly sent me to a very bad place with my potty mouth... I apologized because I realized the scratch wasn't important. Dents and scratches can be fixed later. Pookie being okay was priceless.  

Melodious, I love you. Thank you. You are the voice of sanity to the insane today. I'll call you from the assylum as soon as I finish my paded room. I need Hagen Daz to complete my happy place. Gonna watch a movie today and eat junk food. I am determined to laugh. I will laugh today... :-)

Richard, very true. She will always be with us in our hearts and memories. I will see her again when Messiah comes...

Alan, my love, I will partake of your virtual food and enjoy my virtual shiva. I have a lot to say today and hope to have fun introducing you guys to my quirky family. Sharing thoughts can be nice. I still have some of her e-mails. I'm reading them while playing in my social media accounts. Sending silly jokes and product re-calls were her fave thing to do. She was always serious about researching toys for the kids. If something was up with a manufacturer my Mom-In-Law was on top of it and sending e-mails to make sure her grand-kids did not get exposed to the dangers of X,Y, and Z. I used to go crazy with some of the conversations because I'd be sitting there wondering where the hell is she getting her information from? She should have been a blogger. She was always writing me about some tid bit or another. Jutta would have been an excellent product  reviewer (LOL). She could do 'em in multiple languages. :-D  I used to daydream about going shopping with her in FL. She knew all the spots to get a good deal and would send articles from the newspapers in the mail to share and prepare me for our pending relocation to Brevard County. :-)  



Posted by C Tann-Starr (Tann Starr & Associates, Inc.) over 11 years ago

Todd, thank you, my friend. I will.

Paddy, I may want to come for another visit one day soon when you have some time. I didn't get to see Barbara or Becky and I really want to hang out and spend time with you all. Park. Backyard. Event. Whatever. I just want to get together and enjoy being with you. Love, C.  

Posted by C Tann-Starr (Tann Starr & Associates, Inc.) over 11 years ago

Claude, thank goodness for family, indeed. :-)

Josef, thank you. I treasure that saying for it is beautiful and reminds me to hope for things yet to come. Those who mourn will be comforted and I believe surviving our loss eventually makes us grow stronger. My hope is in the Messiah... Messiah is coming very, very soon and we will lose no more of our loved ones.

Posted by C Tann-Starr (Tann Starr & Associates, Inc.) over 11 years ago

Carolyn I am so sorry to hear. I know when we talked on monday your hubby was here in Florida and she wasn't doing well. Please give my regards to your husband.

Posted by Jeannette Neerpat, e-Pro Coral Springs/Parkland Real Estate (CondoDomain.com) over 11 years ago

Thank you, Jeannette. Mikey is curled up fast asleep right now. I will let him know and will probably be calling you this afternoon. We have yet to determine if we're coming down today or tomorrow. Still date squabbling it seems (sigh). Daddy-in-Law has an 11AM at the funeral home. Will know more when he calls us back with the details this afternoon. I hope everyone gets it together soon. I have appointments to cancel and reschedule... people may be coming in from Germany (or not). There's so little time and so much to do.

Posted by C Tann-Starr (Tann Starr & Associates, Inc.) over 11 years ago

Carolyn,  We are proud of you and the way you are expressing yourself. Our conversation yesterday was a good one. Looking forward to your next phone/blog therapy. Will visit you later....virtually of course. This family is so lucky to have such a wonderful mother to those two gorgeous grandchildren. Love to you both you and Michael.

Posted by Margaret Rome Baltimore 410-530-2400, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) over 11 years ago

Just let me know and I will try to be aviailable C.  BTW - that means more that 5 minutes not as in I am aroundthe corner for lunch You around????  Let me know when things a\have settled and we will plan the day

Posted by Paddy (Patricia) Pizappi, Real Estate Associate Broker Hudson Valley NY (Better Homes and Gardens Rand Realty) over 11 years ago

Margaret, thank you, thank you, thank you for every single word you said. You are a real blessing to your friends. Will be calling you later, sweetie. Love, C. :-)

Posted by C Tann-Starr (Tann Starr & Associates, Inc.) over 11 years ago

Paddy, the weather should be very nice in a couple of weeks. How about we take a look at our calendars at the beginning of April and see what it looks like. The wee ones have time off from school so I was thinking any day of the week from the 9th to the 17th. We were going to go away, but our plans have changed... I'm thinking of making a stop over at the Mangigians as well. I hope Becky and Barbara can hang out when I come upstate to play. It would be really nice to see them as well. I believe we were planning a minion play-date in the park. Maybe you can keep an eye open for one of those lovely events you habitually report on. I will be 44 soon. We can have some birthday cake together (just dont give up the date, okay? LOL)   

Posted by C Tann-Starr (Tann Starr & Associates, Inc.) over 11 years ago

C Tann-Starr - I'm am sorry for your loss and my thoughts will be with you and your family.  If  I can pass on the one thing that I have learned in dealing with the loss of many friends over the years it is this; remember the good times, talk about it all, and do your best to move through the anger and sadness back to where they want you - with a pleasant smile and some great thoughts.  Difficult to do in the face of what's happened, but when you get there, you will know the true purpose of the relationship in your life and respect it more than you ever did.

Posted by Matt Stigliano (Kimberly Howell Properties (210) 646-HOME) over 11 years ago

Carolyn ~ I hope you can feel my hug!  I think writing and doing your photo montage will help you, even if in a small way.  Absolutely remember the good times, I'll bet that is what she wants you to remember anyway. 

Posted by Kathy Passarette, L.I. Staging/Decorating (Creative Home Expressions) over 11 years ago

Thank you, Matt. Very well said and something I needed to hear. You almost sound just like her. She was an interesting woman who saw a lot and suffered with her family the indignity of Hitler. She met her hubby while he was fighting in the war. They danced together when she was sixteen and he was in the Army. They kept in touch. It was difficult for her to leave everything behind and come to America, but she did approximately a year later. Because of that decision I have my hubby and the little minions. When I look at my kids I find myself thinking about her.

I can not imagine myself with any other family. I love my family and hope that sharing different memories will help me put everything back in focus. It takes a little time to turn things around. I know intellectually that this too shall pass, but emotionally I'm a bit raw right now.

I appreciate your kindness. Thank you. :-)

Posted by C Tann-Starr (Tann Starr & Associates, Inc.) over 11 years ago

Kathy, my love, I bet you are absolutely right in that assessment. You would have liked her. I hope you get to meet my Mom and Dad. I'm going to try and get them to come up for a visit (or you can come with me on a road trip - LOL). 

Posted by C Tann-Starr (Tann Starr & Associates, Inc.) over 11 years ago

I am so sorry for your loss.  Losing a friend and a mother (in-law) is harder than anything imaginable.

Posted by League City, TX - Worrell Team, REALTORS, GRI, CNE (RE/MAX 1st Class) over 11 years ago

I am so sorry for your pain.  It is evident how deeply you loved her.  Like others have said, there are no words really, at a time like this. Just knowing that so many others support you and are there for you is comforting, but you still have to get through this on your own.  You will find your way back to the happy place and she will still be there with you. 

Posted by Sharon Tara, New Hampshire Home Stager (Sharon Tara Transformations) over 11 years ago

CTS - I am so sorry for your loss.  I know time heals most wounds but when the loss is profound it takes more time, take your time & remember all the good ones you had.  KM

Posted by Kristin Moran, San Antonio,TX - Real Estate - 210-313-7397 (Owner - RE/MAX Access - KristinMoran@Remax.net) over 11 years ago

My deepest sympathies on your loss, which is a particularly painful one.  One day I hope the sorrow will subside and you will be able to find comfort in your more joyful memories and in knowing you enriched her life as much as she did yours. In the meantime, God bless you and your family.

Posted by Susan Haughton, Susan & Mindy Team...Honesty. Integrity. Results. (Long and Foster REALTORS (703) 470-4545) over 11 years ago

C: The fact that death is a permanent ending is what makes it so hard for us to deal with. We are totally out of control. One of the stages of grieving is anger and rage. It will pass, but it will take time. I know. I lost my Daddy (whom I adored) and my Sister in the same week in March of 2002. I also lost a part of me that week. Last year in May, I lost my cousin, who was like a sister, then just after Christmas last year, we lost my husband's Dad.

I understand what you are going through. After my Sister passed, I would still pick up the phone to call her. You may not ever get over the loss, but you will learn to live with it. Your life, and your families' lives will all go on...........and you have to go on too. Look to God and to your friends and family for support. You will make it, in time. God bless you, and may He heal the hurt of what is missing inside you.

Posted by Sandy Childs, Realtor - Spartanburg, SC (Keller Williams Realty) over 11 years ago

Carolyn, my heart truly breaks for you. Loosing anyone is difficult and we all react differently. I wish I had the ability to go through blog therapy as you have. It's just one of many steps forward that you will need to take. Thankfully you do have such a loving family here on line that you can turn to. Try not to kill the others. You'll be happy you didn't in a few weeks.

I'm sure the truck shook the #%$#@ out of you. God sometimes has to make you focus on the living. :) My thoughts and prayers are with you all. God Bless.

Posted by Connie Harvey, Realtor - Nashville TN Real Estate (Pilkerton Realtors) over 11 years ago

Carolyn, I am SO sorry for your loss and for your entire family.  Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and I always believe loved ones never really leave us; I don't mean to sound "corny" but I have lost a lot of people in my family and I always get signs from them...I bet you will as well.

Posted by Laura Cerrano, Certified Feng Shui Expert, Speaker & Researcher (Feng Shui Manhattan Long Island) over 11 years ago

Carolyn - I'm sorry to hear of your loss.  It's simply never easy to cope with this.  I lost my grandfather and both grandmothers in a two-year span, then I lost my dad about 3 years ago, and one of my best friends last year.  No matter what the circumstances, it always seems sudden to me.  You are all in my prayers.

Posted by Jason Crouch, Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653) (Austin Texas Homes, LLC) over 11 years ago

Hi Carolyn... I am deeply saddened to learn of your mother-in-law's passing.  Despite always having something to say, death is something that always leaves me grasping for the right words.  

May her memory be for a blessing.  You and your family are in my thoughts and parayers.

Posted by Steve Shatsky over 11 years ago

Carolyn, my prayers and thoughts are with you. May you find strength and grow in wisdom and peace as you pass through this difficult time

Posted by Janice Roosevelt, OICP ABR, ePRO,Ecobroker ( Keller Williams Brandywine Valley ) over 11 years ago

C - you, Mike, the minions, and the rest of the family are all in my thoughts and prayers. I am very sorry for your loss. God Bless!

Posted by Mike Saunders (Lanier Partners) over 11 years ago

One can never be prepared for a death in the family.  I am so sorry your family is going through this, but it sounds like you were blessed to have had the time to get to know each other.  My mother in law passed away many years ago, and I almost lost my father two years ago.  It makes every day even more precious with them. 

I look forward to the posts you will be sharing celebrating her life and all of your precious memories with her.

Posted by Jeannie Kontis over 11 years ago

Thank you, everyone. Your prayers, support and kindness towards my family is very much appreciated. <3 C.

Posted by C Tann-Starr (Tann Starr & Associates, Inc.) over 11 years ago

Hey There ! ... I know this has been a tough few weeks, and your recounts of how much your mom in law meant, just shows how greatly you will miss her. But you will forever carry those memories, photos and chuckles that you shared, and they may bring you some peace over time ... thats the way I coped and still cope with losing my father a few years ago.

Hang in there, and if you need anything, you know that I'm just a few miles and a bridge away !

... talk to you soon...

Posted by Sheldon Neal, That British Agent Bergen County NJ (Bergen County, NJ - RE/MAX Real Estate Limited) over 11 years ago

C, I hope that you find some peace through talking and writing about this.  It is hard to lose someone and even harder still when things are left unsaid and undone.  I'm praying with you and picture me sitting beside you.  xxoo

Posted by Susan Mangigian, Chester & Delaware County Homes, Delaware and Ches (RE/MAX Preferred, West Chester, PA, RS152252A) over 11 years ago

C- Know in your heart that I'm here sitting Shiva with you.  And although you can not see me or touch me, I hope that in your soul you can feel me.  I'm so sorry for the loss your family has suffered.  And if there is anything I can do other than pray, call me.

Posted by Tammy Lankford,, Broker GA Lake Sinclair/Eatonton/Milledgeville (Lane Realty Eatonton, GA Lake Sinclair, Milledgeville, 706-485-9668) over 11 years ago

C- I am really sorry for your lost.  It is never easy losing a love one but I can tell you have many fond memories and knowing you, lots of photos.

You are in my thoughts.

Posted by Jennifer Fivelsdal, Mid Hudson Valley real estate connection ( JFIVE Home Realty LLC | 845-758-6842|162 Deer Run Rd Red Hook NY 12571) over 11 years ago

CTS-I had no idea you were going through all of this.  I've been so wrapped up with my Mother that I have been "out of it" for the most part.  Death just sucks, period.  You will have to depend on those you love and those that love you.  You will be one big ball of mixed emotions for a time but soon will be able to look back at all of the memories you have gathered in your heart.  These memories will carry you through each day.  You can see your Mom in law in your husbands eyes.  What a glorious gift she gave you!

Don't be so tough on yourself.  Anger is part of grieving and it's necessary so you can move forward.  I've lost more people than I care to talk about.  I've looked death in the face with my mother more times this year than I thought I could handle.  I just take a deep breath and put one step in front of the other.  Mom keeps bouncing back, miraculously....with each bounce, it reminds me that someday she will not.  I know I should be thankful that she does bounce back each time, but frankly, I'm pissed that I even have to fear losing yet ANOTHER close family member.  Sucks, CTS and I'm here for you girl.  You are loved, always remember that!

Hug those minions and love that husband.  You can do it and your Mom in law is SO proud of you.  We are all proud of you.  I'm here if you ever need anything.  Promise :)

Posted by Elizabeth Cooper-Golden, Huntsville AL MLS (Huntsville Alabama Real Estate, (@ Homes Realty Group)) over 11 years ago

Carolyn - This is the best and the worst of times!  Like an illness it must run it's course. 

When my mom died I was a rock for weeks ... then it hit me one day!  Let yourself experience all the aspects, it's truly part of the process.

God bless You All!


Posted by Jim Valentine (RE/MAX Realty Affiliates) over 11 years ago

You seem to be handling well, even though it's not easy.  Be strong for the rest of them.

Posted by Georgie Hunter R(S) 58089, Maui Real Estate sales and lifestyle info (Hawai'i Life Real Estate Brokers) over 11 years ago

Thank you, lovelies. The funeral is today. Thank you for all of the e-mail, phone calls, tweets, texts, Skypes, DMs, Facebook comments and visits. Your kindness is very much appreciated. Will start posting again shortly.


Posted by C Tann-Starr (Tann Starr & Associates, Inc.) over 11 years ago

C, I am sorry to hear about your loss. My condolences to you and your family.

Posted by Lourdes Hoglo REALTOR® Three Village & North Shore Suffolk Co. Long Island (Prudential Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 11 years ago

Thank you, Lourdes. :-)

Posted by C Tann-Starr (Tann Starr & Associates, Inc.) over 11 years ago

C-Nice to know you have so many to support you.  I am glad you have this strong wall of support.


Posted by Debbie Walsh, Hudson Valley NY Real Estate 845.283-3036 (Shahar Management) over 11 years ago

C- I just now read this post.  That is very hard.  For what it is worth, I'm sending my small blessings, good thoughts and many hugs to you......

Posted by Cheryl Johnson over 11 years ago

Cher and Debra, thank you. Love, C. :-)

Posted by C Tann-Starr (Tann Starr & Associates, Inc.) over 11 years ago

Carolyn ,

I have seen this post way past this fresh heartbreak. My heart is grieving for you and I am praying for you to know the "peace that knows no understanding".  My friend - life goes on in the hearts of the young. Keep your parents alive in the memories you pass along to your children. Mazaltov - to life!

Posted by Teresa K. Nelson (Windermere Real Estate/HLC) over 11 years ago

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